All Those Shugotards!
by KumaKichii
Summary: NONSENSICAL CRAP! I wasn't going to put this up-it's a random story with no plot and lots of retarded-ness! In the end, I didn't have a choice. Read if you want to laugh!
1. The Madness Begins!

**WARNING: Reading excessive drabbles for extended periods of time may result in brain damage, repeated eye twitches, and stupidity-induced drooling.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Shugo Chara characters. I do, however, own Kimi and Cheyenna~ Heh. OWNED.**

Chirping birds, a gentle breeze from my open window, and a cup of instant ramen cooling on my desk next to me made my day perfect. I had occupied myself by reading the latest chapter of Shugo Chara Encore, which I had successfully pulled up on my laptop. I had granted myself a day off to take a break from the harsh realities of a writer's life.

"What the hell are you doing?!" a chibified voice screeched painfully behind me, slapping the back of my head and scaring me to the point of nearly chucking my cup of instant ramen at my assailant. "You're supposed to be working!"

"But-but…." I sniveled, only succeeding in making myself look stupid. "Ri-Ri-Taaaan! I need a break! I've been writing non-stop for God-knows-how-long!"

The blonde chibi-demon glared at me, giving a new meaning to the phrase _if looks could kill._ "Is lazing around on your butt all day going to make your readers happy?!" she snapped, and I flinched. In all honesty, I was scared of the things Rima was capable of doing. I wasn't scared of Rima in general—I found it impossible to be scared of someone the size of a seven-year old.

"No…"

"Then why aren't you writing?" Her awesomer-than-thou attitude was starting to bug me.

"Because I need a break!" I wailed. "I've got writer's block, and when I have writer's block, my brain stops working!"

"You have a brain?" the little nasty snorted, giving me a disbelieving look.

I glowered at Rima for about thirty seconds, and she returned the scowl, though she didn't look as menacing as (I thought) I did by half.

"Heeeeey!" A loud, obnoxious voice squealed from my doorway, and my head snapped up. Dear God. "How're my two favorite midgets today?!" I suddenly found myself being choked in a vice-grip-like hug, and the only solace I took in this was the knowledge that Rima was being squeezed to death as well.

"Can't… Breathe…" I spluttered, and the newcomer let go of both of us, wearing a sheepish grin. "How many times have I told you not to do that?" I inquired, and Rima let out a small, angry growl beside me.

"Sorry," the redhead murmured. "I forgot..."

"Honestly, Cheyenna," I sighed. "Just because something's cute and fluffy doesn't mean you _have _to hug it. One of these days, you're going to find out that under the adorableness, small fluffy dogs do, indeed, have fangs." This wasn't the best analogy, but it would have to do.

"You're anything but cute and fluffy," Rima sniffed in disdain. "Dumb and lazy's more like it."

"Says the satanic blonde," I retorted, causing Cheyenna to giggle insanely. Someone needed to put that girl on some sort of medication. Either that, or take her off of the medication she was already on. Prozac, anyone?

"And anyway," Rima said hotly, glaring at Cheyenna. "I am not a midget!"

"Oh-really…" I muttered under my breath, and she stomped on my foot. "Was that supposed to hurt?"

"You stupid, idiotic, reckless, dim, brainless, thick-headed—"

"Oh, look! Ri-Ri-Tan's learning her adjectives today!" I clapped my hands in mock-praise.

"Don't call me 'Ri-Ri-Tan!'"

"SHUT UP!!" Rima and I both fell silent at the sudden outburst from Cheyenna, who had crossed her arms and was glaring at both of us rather nastily. Can you say "Bi-polar?" After a pregnant silence, her voice returned to its honey-sweet tone. "It's not nice to fight," she giggled, and my left eye twitched. One of these days, I was going to snap. She was going to make me crazy.

"Anyway," Rima attempted to change the subject by turning back to me. "Why aren't you writing?" I was wrong—she hadn't been trying to change the subject at all.

"Because you're so evil and nasty that it's practically impossible to show your sentimental side," I volunteered. Rima probably would've hit me if another voice hadn't interrupted.

"See?! I told you that earlier! But you wouldn't listen!" Kimi validated, giving me a look. I fell backward.

"When did you even get here?!" I squeaked in alarm, and she shook her head, making a clucking sound with her tongue.

"Somewhere between 'idiotic' and 'thick-headed'" Oh yay.

"Why do you always have to show up at the most inconvenient times?" I deadpanned, rolling my eyes.

"I brought pocky~"

"WHERE?!" I screeched, lunging for the box in her hand. Sadly, Kimi was taller than I, and able to hold the box safely out of my reach. "You SUCK!!" I wailed, while Rima and Cheyenna looked on in amusement.

"Sit," she commanded, and I glowered.

"No." Kimi shrugged and started to put the box away. I sat down on the floor quickly and gazed up at her with sparkly eyes, sacrificing my dignity for a snack. Kimi tossed me a stick of pocky, which I snatched and proceeded to chew on while muttering darkly to myself.

Cheyenna sweatdropped. "Trading pocky for pride," she chided, and I think I snarled. "Her brain always was in her stomach." The redhead flopped down in my previously-occupied chair and helped herself to my ramen.

"Am I the only sane person here?" Rima wailed, looking frantically from side to side in hopes of spotting someone with a brain.

"Probably," a deeper voice confirmed from outside my window. Cheyenna choked on a noodle, and Kimi looked up, also recognizing the voice.

"Ikurin!" Kimi shouted gleefully, sticking her head out the window while Cheyenna attempted to dislodge the ramen from her trachea. I slunk over and seized the box of pocky that Kimi had dropped before skulking back to my corner.

"Yo," the newest voice greeted to no one in particular. A shape with cat-ears and a tail swung its legs through the window while Kimi skittered onto my bed to avoid being kitty-kicked. "Of course you all decide to gather in a room on the third floor," the voice complained irritably.

"Why should it matter to you?" I asked dismissively, abandoning the box that I had successfully emptied and scrambling over to re-join the group. "You jump up to third-story windows all the time." The way I said it, Ikuto may as well have been a stalker.

"I hit my head on a tree branch," he admitted, batting in an uncannily cat-like manner at a leaf that had lodged itself in his midnight blue hair. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Cheyenna snatch the discarded piece of greenery from my floor and stick it in her pocket. Creepy stalker fangirl.

Kimi let loose in a fit of uncontrollable giggles, making us all question her sanity, and Ikuto glanced around the room. "I would've thought more of you would have gotten together by now," he observed. I twitched.

"What's that supposed to mean?! I just wanted to take a day off and relax!" I wailed, tears collecting in my eyes. "You all suck!"

Cheyenna flicked her wrist dismissively. "Oh, don't be such a spoiled princess," she scolded, and I fumed.

"Princess? Hm, that reminds me," Ikuto perked up, a sick grin playing on his face. He looked around the room, and then called, "Prince!"

_Poing. _We could practically hear the onomatopoeia from God-knows-where.

I facepalmed. Of course, Ikuto couldn't go five minutes without antagonizing Tadase, who busted through the door half a second later with fire practically shooting from his eyes. "Don't call me PRINCE! I am the KING!" He shouted maniacally, and proceeded to give his classic evil-chibi-king laugh. "MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Something sounded off about it, though.

"I think you mean "Mua-hahahaha," I pointed out, and the King stopped ranting long enough to stare at me for half a second.

"Don't correct me, PEASENT!" He boomed, but his next creepy laugh sounded more realistic. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"For God's sake, don't encourage him," Kimi grumbled, shooting me daggers. Kimi was a scary girl indeed, as she was actually taller than I was, unlike Rima, who had fallen silent.

Why _had _Rima gotten so quiet all of a sudden? I turned away from Kimi's malicious glare to see the little nasty sifting through the numerous documents on my laptop. "Hey!" I screeched, snatching the computer from her with a demonic scowl of my own. "No lookie, no touchy!"

Rima gave me a _look. _"Whatever you say," she droned, grinning like she'd discovered the secret passage to Narnia. I could only glare in response, secretly fearing what she might've discovered whilst invading my privacy.

Ikuto had assumed a catlike crouch, pawing at a mouse hole that had appeared in my wall seemingly overnight. "Could you shut up?" he hissed at Tadase, who was still ranting like a chibi-psycho. "You'll scare the little bugger…" I didn't even know we _had _mice—but I had a feeling that by the end of the day, that problem would no longer exist. I kind of felt bad for the mice—being stalked by a ten-pound, fluffy white cat was one thing. Meeting your doom at the hands—paws—of a hundred-and-forty-pound hybrid feline was entirely different.

"Tsukiyomi Ikuto!" Tadase shouted randomly, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, we all know what his name is," I pointed out, though the blonde didn't seem to be paying much attention. Suddenly he was seized and hug-strangled by Cheyenna, who had polished off my ramen.

Tadase fumed. "UNHAND ME!!" he screamed, flailing his arms in a futile attempt to get free. Cheyenna turned a deaf ear and simply continued to huggle the Kiddy King, much to everyone's amusement. "IS THIS ANY WAY TO TREAT YOUR KING?! LET GO OF ME THIS—" _Slap. _Tadase blinked repeatedly, stunned out of his character change. "PWNED" may as well have been written in ink across his face, next to the crimson handprint that now lingered on his left cheek.

Everyone else stared at Cheyenna in total astonishment, none of us able to say a single word. Ikuto was the first to get his voice back, and fell against the wall in a wild fit of laughter. The rest of us joined in while Tadase stood there, eyes wide. Then he did something none of us expected—well, no one except me, and maybe Rima. He started to cry.

"Why'd you hit me?!" he sniffled, giving Cheyenna the "puppy-that's-just-been-kicked" face while nursing the red mark on his cheek. Cheyenna, seeming unfazed by his tears, stared at him evenly.

"You were getting on my nerves," she said unemotionally, switching from happy and obnoxious to her "screw you" attitude at the touch of a button. Definitely bi-polar.

"You didn't have to slap me, though!" Tadase bawled. Beside me, Rima rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Those tears are obviously fake," she informed me, and I nodded in agreement. If anyone knew something about crocodile tears, it was Ri-Ri-Tan.

"I had to do something, before you had an aneurysm," Cheyenna shrugged, and Tadase pouted. "Nothing personal—you were just giving me a headache."

"Meanie…" the blonde sniffed, and Cheyenna grinned and hugged him. Happy pills!

"Anyone else cold?" I questioned, shivering, and Rima raised her hand. I shut my window, cutting off the breeze that had been cooling the room, then spun around when I heard a loud, terrified squeal. Ikuto was sitting on the ground, looking especially triumphant. Rest in peace, little guy…

I noticed that Tadase had retired to an emo corner, despite Cheyenna's clinginess. I had never thought it possible to be emo while someone was _hugging _you, but Tadase had proved me wrong. I was idly observing them when a loud, shattering crash sounded behind me and something smacked into the back of my head, knocking me forward so that I fell flat on my face.

I scrambled to my feet and turned toward my window. Ikuto, distracted by the loud noise, looked up, the deceased mouse dangling from his mouth. Before I had time to think _oh God, EW,_ I noticed the huge, jagged hole that had been smashed in my window. A soccer ball that hadn't been there five minutes ago sat on the floor at my feet, and I assumed that that was what had nearly caused blunt trauma to my head.

Seething, I threw up what remained of the window, and the surviving glass crumbled and fell from the frame in fragments. "ALRIGHT, WHO'S THE IDIOT THAT JUST DID THAT?!" I snarled, thrusting my head outside and glaring murderously down into my yard. The window would be expensive to replace, and I was not a happy poptart—or so Cheyenna said; I would never know how I earned that nickname.

"Dangit, Kukai!" an irritated voice called. "I told you I was bad at soccer! Now look what you made me do!" I recognized that voice, and immediately regretted being so harsh—the window didn't seem all that important anymore.

"Well sorry!" another voice responded, sounding not sorry at all. "I was tired of you beating me at basketball! It's not my fault you can kick a ball three stories high with enough force to break a window!"

The owner of the first voice looked up at me. "I'm really sorry!" he called, and I shook my head quickly.

"Don't worry about it. But maybe you two should come up here so you don't break_ someone else's _window." The boy nodded sheepishly, and I pulled my head back inside what used to be the window.

"Who was it? Are you going to call the police?" Rima questioned, lying flat on her back on top of my bed and examining the patterns on the ceiling with mild interest. Her voice sounded hopeful for reasons I could only guess at.

"No, Rima. I'm not pressing charges," I assured her, flopping down next to her on the bed. Several moments later, my door opened and two boys stepped in, one of them grinning, the other looking like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

"C'mon, man!" The overly-happy one said, slapping the other's shoulder. "It was an accident! Although," he added, "it wouldn't have happened at all if you were a little better at soccer."

"Says the guy that can't make a basket to save his life!" the second boy retorted hotly, tossing his long violet hair back with a flick of his wrist. Rima sat up, no longer interested at staring at the ceiling, and smirked at me, noticing the newcomers.

"Alright, you two, that's enough," I called, and they both looked at me. "Instead of arguing, why don't you give me a good reason as to why I shouldn't murder the both of you?"

There was a short silence. "Because you love us?" Kukai, the redhead, volunteered hopefully. I laughed.

"Fair enough," I granted. "I'll let it slide, but be more careful."

Kukai grinned. "It wasn't my fault," he insisted, pointing with his thumb at the boy next to him. "Fujisaki has the aim of a blind grandma!" Beside him, the violet-haired boy hung his head.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Nagihiko, I said it's alright," I assured him. "I'm not mad." Nagihiko smiled in response. "And you—" I directed at Kukai. "I've seen you try to play basketball before—you know it's not pretty." Kukai sweatdropped.

"The truth is," Rima chimed in from beside me, looking at Kukai. "If Nagihiko wasn't here, she probably would've skinned you alive." Kukai laughed nervously, and Nagihiko blinked in confusion. I slapped my hand over Rima's mouth.

"That's our Ri-Ri-Tan," I muttered darkly. "Isn't she cute?" The little nasty. Rima pried my hand away from her face.

"Can't breathe, thanks."

"Stupid blondes," I hissed through clenched teeth, and she shot me a glare. I decided to have a little fun and show off my sense of humor. "Kimi-nin," I called, and Kimi looked up at me from where she'd been watching Ikuto playfully mutilate his mouse. "How do you drown a blonde?"

Kimi gave her trademark smirk. "I dunno," she sang, and started to giggle.

"Glue a quarter to the bottom of a swimming pool," I concluded, and Kimi burst into a fit of giggles. From his emo corner, Tadase twitched, and I sensed a dark aura emanating from Rima. Nagihiko let out a small chuckle, while Kukai laughed next to him. Cheyenna continued to cling to Tadase like a baby monkey.

"Hey, shrimp." Ikuto looked up from prodding the dead rodent and turned to Rima. "Why are there so many blonde jokes?"

There was a short silence. Rima shrugged, and I glanced at Kimi, who was watching Ikuto, waiting for him to speak again.

"So the brunettes will feel better," he stated, and everyone but Kimi and I burst into giggles.

"BURNED!!" Kukai shouted, grinning like a madman. Even Tadase gave a dark little laugh from his emo corner, which was a bit scary.

I could tell that this was going to be a long day indeed.


	2. Kimi's Idea of FUN!

**A/N My apologies to all Tadase fangirls~ He's just so fun to flame.**

**Disclaimer: Dun own characters. XD 'Scept Chey and Kimi. OWNED.**

Basically, the eight of us were standing there like total retards with no idea what to do. Or, Kimi, Cheyenna, Nagihiko and I were standing around; Kukai was bouncing the soccer ball that had nearly killed me on his knee, and Rima was engrossed in my laptop, which she had managed to grab when my back was turned. She kept shooting me scary looks. It wasn't pleasant. Tadase was glaring evilly at Ikuto, who had located another mouse hole and was pawing irritably at it while making scary kitty noises.

"I'm bored!" Kimi announced. Welcome to our world. "Let's do something fun! We should play a game! We should play a FUN game! Fun fun fun fu—" A large brick—coming from absolutely nowhere—suddenly smacked Kimi in the face. She fell silent—probably because of mild brain damage.

"Your half-dead friend is right," Nagihiko told me matter-of-factly, and I looked turned my attention to him rather than attempting to bore a hole in the carpet with my non-laser vision. "We should do something fun, rather than just standing here. Tadase's going to wear a hole in the floor if he keeps pacing." Tadase had, indeed, started pacing restlessly across my room; I wondered if he was contemplating ways to murder the giant cat in the corner, who was now obsessively stalking a gnat.

However, none of us knew exactly _what _to do. My room wasn't all that big, and the sudden influx of people had left very little floor space. I wondered idly why we weren't all sweating and/or dying because of the excessive body heat; then I remembered that the window had been brutally murdered, and the large hole in my wall was letting in a pleasant breeze.

I happened to look down, and suddenly noticed that the carpet was soaking wet. "Ikuto, aren't you litter-box trained?!" I screeched, and the hybrid feline tore his gaze away from the—probably terrified—gnat, giving me a confused look.

"Eh?" He swished his tail in a strangely adorable manner; if Kimi hadn't been unconscious on the floor, she probably would've screamed.

"Where's this water coming from?" I irritably asked, sloshing about on the drenched carpet. Ikuto hadn't seemed to notice the flood at first; abandoning the gnat, he leapt onto my desk and shook himself. Creepy.

I looked down again, and noticed that Kimi was still on the floor—if the strange flooding persisted, she wouldn't last much longer. I couldn't help but let out a sick, twisted giggle at the thought. The little angel on my shoulder was telling me to move her so that she wouldn't end up drowning. But the devil on my other shoulder was screaming loudly in my ear, "FORGET THE GIRL!! LET'S GO GET SOME TACOS!!" As appealing as Tacos sounded, I knew that I couldn't leave my guests alone in my house—there might not have been a house to come back to. Distracted by thinking of the endless ways that my uninvited company could destroy my home, I completely forgot about Kimi.

A tug on my sleeve made me look down. Rima, saying nothing, pointed to where Tadase was still pacing, his shoes making sloshing sounds on my soaked carpet. An emo raincloud hung gloomily over his head, flooding the room at a fast pace with its sad raindrops. Creepy.

I cleared my throat, and everyone turned to look at me. "To prevent the flooding of my house," I stated, gesturing to Tadase's emo cloud, "I suggest we all go outside. We can find something to do out there." There were several murmurs of agreement, and a yawn from Kukai.

"What can we do?" he asked, still bouncing the soccer ball. There was no reply. After a moment, he continued, "it'd probably be better if we didn't cause any more damage to the house." That was the first sane thing I'd heard Kukai say in a long time.

"There are…" I tried to think of a fitting word and failed miserably. "_Less-damaging_ games to play outside." I had absolutely no idea what, however.

Out of nowhere, Kimi sat bolt-upright with a blank look on her face, reminding me a little bit of Frankenstein's monster. I had to resist the urge to yell, "IT'S ALIVE!!" I also had to resist the stronger urge to leap onto my bed, scared that Kimi had, indeed, died, and that she had come back as a zombie. This was, obviously, completely irrational. I didn't care. We all stood there, staring at her while she spaced out for about three and a half minutes. Then she turned to Nagihiko and pointed a finger at him. "I CHALLENGE YOU—" she began, and I honestly thought she was going to shout something stupid like, "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A POKEMON BATTLE!!" She didn't. Boo. Instead, she ended her sentence with, "TO A FRISBEE MATCH!!"

This came as a shock to everyone, including the boy who had—seemingly—been chosen at random. "Huh?" He lacked the ability to come up with a semi-intelligent response.

Kimi stood up, seeming a lot less zombie-ish. "Y'know," she said, shrugging. "Frisbee. I want to see if I can beat you at Frisbee." Somehow, this didn't seem possible. Kimi was about as un-athletic as I was, and Nagihiko was one of the most athletic people in my crowded room; the odds of Kimi winning were extremely slim.

"Uh," Nagihiko seemed confused. "Ok?" Kimi pumped her fist in the air—I could've sworn I heard a tiny, tiny little scream, and then I felt a little twinge of sadness. I wondered if it was possible to make a microscopic grave-stone that said, "RIP. Ikuto's gnat."

We all filed out of my room and trooped down the stairs and out into the yard, Kimi in the lead with Nagihiko just behind, and Tadase and his emo cloud bringing up the rear. I was looking forward to seeing this—I wanted to see how badly Nagihiko would be able to beat Kimi at such a simple game. Kimi had miraculously obtained a Frisbee from nowhere, and was tossing it up into the air and catching it over and over.

We reached a spot in the yard where none of the other windows would be in danger; we also made sure to stay clear of small saplings that could easily be sliced in half by a flying disc sailing through the air at top speed. Rima, Cheyenna, Ikuto, Tadase, Kukai and I settled down in the grass while Nagihiko and Kimi headed to opposite sides of the lawn.

"The first one to miss three times loses!" Kimi shouted, and Nagihiko nodded. I took out my cell phone, intending to catch the entire thing on video, but something distracted me. Water was soaking into the back of my shorts, and when I looked over my shoulder, I could see that the torrential downpour from Tadase's emo cloud had not ceased.

"Hey, Hotori," I barked, catching the blonde's attention. Until now, he'd had no one in particular to glare at; now, however, his glower was focused with deadly precision on me. I just wanted to get him away from me so that I wouldn't drown whilst watching Kimi fail at the hands of Nagihiko. "Would you do me a favor and take a walk through the garden?"

Tadase gave me a questioning stare. "Why?"

"My mother's been asking me to water the flowers."

After a short silence, he shot me a glare, but got up. I was glad that I could make use of his emoness for now.

"Ready?!" Kimi screeched from across the yard. Nagihiko nodded, and Kimi started a countdown, though I wasn't sure why. "Three... Two..."

"Nagihiko!" I called, and he turned to me, a questioning look in his brown eyes. I smiled at him and gave a thumbs-up. "Good luck!" He smiled back at me.

"ONE!!" The Frisbee sailed through the air... And promptly smacked Nagihiko, who had been distracted, upside the head.

The indigo-haired boy fell backward, letting out a yelp of surprise. And pain, I figured; the impact had sounded like it hurt. The yelp was mixed with some words, but they were hard to make out due to the speed at which he's said them. I think it might've been something along the lines of, "OW IN THE HEAD!!"

Kimi giggled from across the yard. "Way to use your head!" I shot a glare at her.

"Idiot! What're you trying to do?!" Kimi flinched, looking like I'd slapped her across the face. I wanted to. I probably would. Ok, I wouldn't, but I wanted to.

"But-but-but… He shoulda been watching!" Kimi wailed, flailing her arms like some kind of chibi psycho. "It's his fault, not mine!" Nagihiko was muttering darkly to himself while rubbing his head.

I glowered. "At least be more careful!" Kimi fell silent and sat down in the grass, pouting like a small child. Nagihiko stood up, and I was a bit worried that he'd fall over again—his legs were unsteady.

"It's alright, Kimi!" He called, waving his hand. "It's no big deal! Just a Frisbee flying through a head… And window… Hitting… Face… It hurt…" He was talking nonsense—however, he seemed to notice that something was wrong with his dialect, because he tried again. "It's nothing, really! Just a Frisbee flying through the air and hitting me upside the head. It could happen any day, right?" He smiled, then winced. "Ow…"

Somewhere in the midst of all this craziness, I got the odd sense that I was forgetting something. After a few moments of pondering, a loud buzzing sound and a shrill scream reminded me exactly what it was. There was a beehive in the apple tree next to the garden. And bees, I knew, did _not _like water.


	3. Kimi's Strange Tendencies

**Author's Note: Does anyone else find it weird that usually, I write serious(ish) stories, yet I can spew random psychotic crap like this? This is for those of you who seem to think that my bi-polar writing style is awesome!**

Everyone froze, listening to the menacing buzzing sound that was coming from the direction of the garden. "Great," I muttered, rolling my eyes in frustration. "The little blonde fool just had to go and tick off the bees."

"Bees?" Kimi asked from behind me. The sick grin she wore made it seem as if she'd just created another Frankenstein. It was, to put it bluntly, quite disturbing.

"Yeah," I replied, taking a few steps away from her. "There's a tree next to the garden, and there's a beehive in it." Kimi was freaking me out; we were alike in more ways than one, but between the two of us, she was definitely the more sadistic one.

"I'd say 'hello'," a voice chimed quietly from behind me. "But I'm more interested in why Tadase Hotori is running around your garden with a swarm of angry bees after him."

I fell forward, and I would've done a face-plant into the grass if Kimi hadn't been there to catch me. "Why do people keep sneaking up on me?" I wailed, glaring at the dark-haired girl that had spoken, who was standing innocently on the lawn.

Lina rocked back on her heels. "I didn't sneak up on you at all," she protested. "In fact, I walked up quite casually. It isn't my fault you're deaf."

"Yes is it!" I retorted hotly.

"Ah-ha. So you ARE deaf," Lina concluded.

"NO."

"I'm hungry." The random statement had absolutely nothing to do with the argument between Lina and I. But Kimi had a way of breaking up fights with random, nonsensical statements. "Can Kimi has a waffle?"

"That's 'have,' if you will... And don't refer to yourself in third-person," Lina muttered darkly, and I took a few steps backward, putting a bit of space between myself and the psychotic grammar Nazi.

"I will speak as I please," Kimi stated regally, crossing her arms over her chest and holding her head high as if she'd suddenly developed a superiority complex. Lina looked like she was either going to make some sort of comeback, or just slap Kimi across the face; however, another blood-curdling scream from Tadase made us all look up. The terrified Kiddy King was hurtling across the yard as if The Devil himself was after him. I didn't necessarily consider a large swarm of angry bees "The Devil," but, judging by the way Tadase was screeching, he definitely did.

The rest of us were scrambling out of his way—or rather, out of the way of the sting-y thingies pursuing him. After several moments, he was no longer within our range of sight. None of us knew if he'd come back.

"Okay then..." Lina said quietly, and Kimi burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter for reasons I could only guess at. From where she was sitting on the ground, Rima was watching Nagihiko, who still looked somewhat dizzy from the painful impact of the Frisbee.

Cheyenna looked as if she was about to fall asleep. "I need some caffeine," she muttered, trying to keep her eyes open.

"Coffee?" I asked hopefully, and she let out a small laugh. I was one of those crazy coffee psychos that would jump at the chance at hyping herself up on caffeine. I hadn't taken her laugh as a "yes," so I tilted my head like a small dog begging for a scrap of table food and asked again, "Coffee?"

Before Cheyenna had the chance to answer, however, Kimi cut in, glowering at me. "Tea is better." I had no idea where that statement had come from, and I knew for a fact that Kimi liked coffee about as much as I did. But the firm conviction with which she'd said it left no room to argue or ask questions.

I wasn't too bright, so I decided to mess with her anyway. "Coffee," I stated firmly, earning a dark stare from the girl in front of me. "Coffee is better." This was a pointless argument, but I was enjoying it.

"No!" Kimi screeched, giving me a look similar to the way Ikuto would eye a mouse before slaughtering the poor creature. "Tea is better than coffee!" The way she said it reminded me of something, but I couldn't quite remember what it was. All that mattered at that moment was giving up the quarrel before Kimi thought of some way to murder me. I thought I heard her muttering darkly to herself—something about a chair. Kimi could think of strange murder tactics, and I didn't want to take a chance on being the one she got to test the electric chair on; or whatever other kind of chair she was talking about.

Not putting up any more of a fight, I turned away from her, shivering as I felt her cold stare on my back. Kimi was, indeed, a scary girl. A day or two before, I'd seen her having a conversation with herself. She would say something, listen to a response that no one else could hear, then laugh and say something else. Hallucinations? Probably. Or maybe she was taking some new medication that caused her to see things that weren't there. Either way, she'd seemed to be having a good time talking to her invisible friends, so I hadn't interrupted.

"ALRIGHT!" The subject of my flashbacks suddenly screeched, her sudden scary disposition disappearing as suddenly as it had appeared. "LET'S FINNISH OUR FRISBEE MATCH!"

"Please stop speaking in Caps," I pleaded, but no one heard me.

"Uhm... I think I'm going to have to pass," Nagihiko's eyes widened slightly, probably in fear at the thought of being hit in the head with the dangerous disc-like object again. He started to back slowly away, his hands held out in front of him as if he was retreating from the gaze of a hungry tiger. "Maybe some other time."  
Kimi glared at him, and I heard her whisper, "Yeah, I know." I wondered idly if one of her unseen companions had made some comment about Nagihiko being a wimp.

Nagihiko fled into the house.

While Kimi was muttering curses under her breath, I glanced around my yard; Tadase was long gone, though every now and then one of his terrified shrieks could be heard echoing in the distance. Cheyenna had fallen asleep on the ground, her fiery red hair spread out in a wave behind her on the grass.

Rima was plucking dandelions from the lawn and decapitating them, a bored look settling across her features. A loud, triumphant caterwaul echoed across the yard, making her look up, and Ikuto sprang from the bushes, a small dead snake dangling from his jaws; Rima, instead of screaming like a normal girl, stared at the deceased creature in fascination. I wondered how many miniature gravestones would be needed by the end of the day.

"So," Kukai's voice broke into my thoughts, and I turned my gaze on him just as he picked up the Frisbee that Kimi had nearly turned into a lethal weapon. "How does this thing work?" I found it ironic that the question was coming from the most athletic idiot in our group. Busy pondering this, I didn't see Kukai give the flying disc an experimental toss. I _did_, however, hear the shattering crash of the toy as it busted through one of my living room windows. My left eye twitched as I shot Kukai a threatening death-stare. "S-sorry..." he squeaked.

Frustrated at the damage to my house, I gave a large sigh and raised my voice so that everyone could hear me. "Due to the obvious property damage and various mild-head-trauma casualties that have taken place, from here on out, any activity with even the slightest potential to hurt a person or my house is prohibited." A groan arose from the group of danger-prone morons sitting on my lawn.

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" The screech came from Kimi, which came as no surprise to me.

"Please stop speaking in Caps," I asked again, but she completely ignored me. "Besides, your ideas are always dangerous, and could end up getting someone kill—"

"PLUSHIE FIIIIIGHT!"


	4. Plushie WHAT?

**A/N: If any of you thought that I had abandoned this absolute-crack story, I'm incredibly sorry. This is something I usually work on when I have writer's block, which I haven't had in a while.**

**So in a way, a new chapter of this crack-induced IT can be both a good thing, and a bad thing. It's good in the sense that if you're crazy enough to actually enjoy reading this, you get another chapter of pure psychosis and crack.**

**It's bad in the sense that the very fact that I've **_**written **_**a new chapter of **_**this**_** means that I have horrible writer's block and I can't work on my other (less nonsensical) stories!**

**Which bring us to the point I've been trying to spit out for the last paragraph or so—I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK. I can't seem to write the next part of my chapter story at all. Boo. No, really—if I try, I end up sitting at my laptop for an hour or so, staring at a blank Word document and daydreaming about unicorns and fairies (or something along those lines).**

**Actually, I think the reason I can't work on my chapter story is because I've been working on a oneshot that just isn't cooperating. Many of you know that when my mind's fixated on something, I can't do anything ELSE, even if I want to. Sadly, even though I want to finish my oneshot, I just can't seem to put words down. Sadder still, I won't be able to work on my chapter story UNTIL I finish the oneshot. So my life as a writer is at a standstill. I'll probably try again with the oneshot, now that I've given myself (and my readers *points dramatically at whoever's reading this*) a nice, (un?)healthy dose of crack.**

**That said, I've rambled on in the Author's Note section for **_**way**_** too long, so I'm going to leave you alone to do what you please with the product of my miserable era of writer's block. Please don't snort the words, no matter how much like crack they may seem. Thank you.**

"What?" Lina, Rima and I spoke in unison, staring at Kimi as if she was absolutely crazy—which, indeed, she was.

"A PLUSHIE FIGHT!" She squealed loudly, causing everyone within the boundaries of my lawn to cringe and cover their ears. "Y'know, like, totally throw plushies at each other?" She seemed proud of her idea, and we were afraid to contradict her. Not to mention that the valley-girl accent she'd started using was scaring me—it sounded familiar—the same feeling I'd gotten when she'd started rambling about tea.

"I don't have that many plushies," I said slowly, as if bringing up this fact might give Kimi enough reason to slap me. Instead, she jumped up and down several times while clapping her hands excitedly.

"That's okay! I brought some with me!" She pointed to an oversized sack that had magically appeared on the lawn next to Cheyenna, who was still dozing peacefully, oblivious to the absolute mayhem going on around her. The sack, I assumed, contained mass amounts of stuffed toys that were now doomed to be thrown about as fluffy projectiles for the next hour or so.

"So where will we be holding this event?" Kukai asked, his voice echoing down from a low branch of the tree he'd climbed while the rest of us weren't looking. "It wouldn't be any fun to throw them around out here," he added. His face was obscured by the leaves of the tree, but I could picture the devious smile playing on his lips. I shuddered.

"Of course not!" Kimi made a disapproving clucking sound with her tongue and shook her head. Her face brightened as she exclaimed, "It would be much more fun to do it inside!"

"Please don't break my house," I begged, unheard by the demonic brunette who was now slinging the sack of stuffed weapons over her shoulder. She marched determinedly up to my front door and managed to squeeze the bulging bag of plushies through the narrow doorway before signaling to everyone else to follow and help commence her reign of plushie-filled terror.

As everyone filed through the door and followed Kimi, I had to resist the urge to bang my head against the wall—what stopped me was the fact that I didn't want any more property damage; this included a large hole in the wall. I wondered if it was odd that I was worried more about damage to my house than damage to my head. I shrugged the thought away; my head—my mind, anyway—was already damaged from the excessive amount of stupidity I had been exposed to throughout the course of the day. And it wasn't even four p.m.

"This oughta do just fine!" Kimi declared, emptying the bag of plush toys onto the carpet and grinning widely.

"Why are we in my room?" I demanded, outraged, and she shrugged.

"It was the biggest room upstairs," she said simply, acting as if she had absolutely no problem whatsoever with destroying my beloved bedroom. She kicked the huge plushie mountain she'd dumped onto the floor, sending the fluffy toys in various different directions. One of them smacked me in the face and fell onto the carpet at my feet—I picked up the little stuffed panda and tucked it away in a safe place when no one else was looking. Kimi wouldn't miss it—she had a million other plushies to abuse… not to mention those invisible companions she spoke to so often.

"So how is this going to work?" Nagihiko asked cautiously; he had joined us a moment ago, assured that he wouldn't fall victim to any more plastic, disc-like projectiles.

"Easy!" Kimi grinned and picked up a plushie, which she then proceeded to fling at the indigo-haired boy. It hit him in the face and pounced off. He blinked. "Try to hit anyone and everyone in sight while si-mul-tane-ous-ly—" she had to sound out the large word, "trying to avoid being hit by everyone else!"

"What happens if you get hit?" I asked, assuming that this game was a bit like dodge ball and that once a player was hit, they had to sit out. If that was the case, I planned to just stand there until I was struck by a flying plush toy, and then take cover somewhere where I could watch the others make complete idiots of themselves.

"You try to hit the person that hit you," Kimi stated, looking at me as if I'd just asked what color the sky was.

"If there's no way to get out," Nagihiko said carefully, as if trying to avoid calling forth the wrath of Kimi, "then how do we determine the winner?" I was beginning to gravitate toward the long-haired boy—he seemed to be the only other person in the group who still had a brain. The sane ones had to stick together to avoid being turned into brainwashed zombies.

Kimi's eyes flickered with uncertainty—apparently, she hadn't thought of this particular detail; I figured that she'd been too distracted by thoughts and daydreams that consisted of pummeling the rest of us with plush toys. After a second, her eyes lit up and she grinned. "You're out if you get hit three times!" she exclaimed, and we all nodded. It was a fair enough decision, and a solution to the problem Nagihiko had brought up.

"Also, if you catch a plushie someone throws at you, it doesn't count as getting hit. Is everyone ready?" Kimi's eyes sparkled with excitement as she stooped to pick up a bright green plushie that appeared to be some kind of dinosaur. The others were also picking random plushies from the colorful assortment on the carpet. I grabbed one that had landed at the foot of my bed when Kimi had kicked the pile. "Six… Five… Four…" The brunette had started a countdown as if she was about to launch a rocket rather than a stuffed dinosaur. I took careful aim, planning to hurl the bow-tie clad teddy bear I'd picked up at Kukai, who had his eyes trained on Lina.

"Three… Two…" Rima, not surprisingly, was preparing to launch the sock-monkey she was holding at none other than Nagihiko. The boy in Rima's line of fire was holding—I couldn't really tell what the bright pink plush in his hand was, but I figured I'd find out soon; he was aiming at me.

"FIRE!" Kimi screeched, letting the dinosaur fly forward; it sailed past Rima and smacked into Ikuto, who was mesmerized by all the colorful objects whizzing through the air.

I chucked the stuffed bear in Kukai's general direction, but I was fairly sure I missed, as I'd been trying to keep an eye on Nagihiko. As soon my weapon left my hand, the violet-haired boy grinned and flung the bubblegum-pink _thing _at me. Instead of dodging it, I instinctively stuck my hands out and caught the pink projectile. Upon closer examination, I found that it was some kind of cat. Ducking as a purple whatzit came flying at my face, I tossed the pink catlike plush at Kimi—it bounced off the back of her head and she whirled to face me, her attention torn from Kukai, who she'd somehow managed to back into a corner; he fled to the other side of the room.

Letting out some kind of outraged noise—or maybe it was a battle cry—Kimi chucked two plushies at me simultaneously—one of them was a large blue rabbit, and the other appeared to be a polar bear. There was no way I could catch them both, or dodge them both. I decided to try to catch one and dodge the other; I snagged the navy-blue bunny before it hit me, but the oversized white bear came too fast. I shut my eyes on instinct, preparing for the fluffy impact of the toy—it never came. I opened my eyes to find that Nagihiko, who was now standing next to me, had snatched the polar bear from the air right before it could hit me.

"Thanks!" I said with appreciation, and he responded with a grin of his own before tossing the bear at me—it bounced off my shoulder and fell to the ground.

"Got you," he said playfully, and I glared at him. "Even your allies are your enemies in—" He stopped talking abruptly as a stuffed penguin smacked him upside the head. He stood there for a second, blinked a couple of times, and then turned to face his attacker: a small blonde who was peeking up over a small mound of plushies in her arms.

"All's fair in love and war," Rima stuck her tongue out at Nagihiko, then threw one of the plushies she was holding—it appeared to be a small red puppy—at Kukai. It nailed him in the butt and he turned around just in time to see the weapon fall to the floor.

"Dang!" he whined, crossing his arms in annoyance. "I'm out!" He huffed and ran through the warzone to join Ikuto on my bed. The nekomimi had been the first one to get kicked out of the game—he'd simply been unable to resist the colorful flying objects, resulting in three hits within the first two minutes of the game.

Lina, who hardly seemed to be playing at all, was leaning against the wall, examining a funny-looking plush that looked as if it might be an elephant. Or a walrus. Or both. She quickly got bored with studying the cross-breed plushie and carelessly tossed it over her shoulder; it hit Kimi in the back as she bent down to pick up a projectile of her own.

"Hyah!" she shouted, and began to hurl plushie after plushie at Lina, who made no effort to dodge them, letting the toys bounce off her shoulder. "You're out!" Kimi screeched after hitting Lina for the seventh time. At about the same moment, I hurled a stuffed Pokémon of some kind at her; it hit her in the side, and she yelped, though the impact couldn't have hurt. "Gah!" She wheeled around and glared at me before throwing down the plushie in her hand, sticking out her lip in a childish pout. "I'm out! Meanie!" She cast another spiteful look at me before flopping down on the bed. Lina followed, not seeming to care that she'd lost the game.

I picked up a small purple plushie—I didn't pay attention to what it was; it seemed to be too small to gain much distance if thrown, so I tossed it over my shoulder. There was a little squeak of surprise from behind me, and I turned around. The purple whatzit had bonked Rima on the head, and she was glaring up at me angrily. "That counts," I reminded her, grinning, before she chucked the same penguin at me that she'd beamed Nagihiko with several moments earlier. It hit my chest and bounced off, falling to my feet.

"That does, too," Rima said bluntly, picking up a ragdoll with bright red hair and flinging it across the room at Nagihiko, who caught it with one hand.

"Nice try," he called, dropping the doll and picking up the navy-blue rabbit Kimi had thrown at me earlier. Rima and I watched carefully, but Nagihiko made no move to throw the bunny. Exchanging a glance, we both began furiously launching a multi-colored spray of plushies at the long-haired boy, who was the only other person left in the game. He used the rabbit as a kind of shield, deflecting our fluffy weapons while attempting to get close enough to make a shot of his own.

"TASTE THE RAINBOW, NAGI!" Kimi yelled from my bed, and I rolled my eyes. While Rima continued to fire various colors and varieties of plush toys at Nagihiko, I sat down on the floor and picked up a small bird-like plush. I grinned.

Rima was keeping the long-haired boy busy by hurling toys at his upper-half, which he continued to repel, using the blue bunny as a shield. I took careful aim. "DUCK!" I shouted loudly, and flung the stuffed duck I'd found at Nagihiko's unprotected legs. It bounced off his knee, and he looked down at it, then up at me.

"No fair!" he growled angrily, and stomped over to the bed, throwing the stuffed rabbit down onto the floor. I grinned, pleased with myself. The tag-team approach had worked.

"Nice job, Ri-Ri-Tan!" I grinned, turning to her and sticking out my hand for a high-five. A stuffed polar-bear hit me in the face.

**A/N: I am incredibly sorry for the wait, and I'll be updating my chapter story soon as well. If Kimi-chan will get off her lazy butt and help me. (My computer's being a pain in the arse and won't let me update—blame the technorogy, people! Anyway, Kimi has to post my updates for me, since Old&Not-So-Faithful here doesn't seem to be doing me any good. My aporogies. Oh geeze—I've been watching too much Hetalia dub. Japan's Engrish is rubbing of on me. Speaking of which—has anyone actually noticed the various Hetalia allusions in this story? –dies of fail-**


	5. Coming Out of the Closet

For a period of about twenty seconds, our group stood in the center of my room, staring with either pride (in Kimi's case), mild amusement (in everyone else's case), or utter horror (this was _my_ case) at the colorful sea of plushies that had been strewn across the carpet and furniture, creating a tie-dyed nightmare that I would undoubtedly have to clean up later.

To no one's surprise, Kimi broke the silence with a loudly-announced "I'm bored!" which startled Ikuto out of his catnap and caused him to fall off my bed with a rather undignified yelp. At the same time, my very thin patience snapped, resulting in a loud groan of annoyance and an epic facepalm.

"I seriously hate all of you," I mumbled darkly, leering at the group of delinquents through the spaces between my fingers as the creepy purple aura started to seep out. "I swear, I'm going to plot each of your individual murders and kill you off one by one, then set your bodies on fire and pour your ashes into a large bucket of acid and then bring you all back and do it all over again and—" I stopped talking when a plushie whatzit of some kind smacked me in the face. Spluttering with rage, I pointed an accusing finger at Kimi, who had launched the puffy projectile and was now standing a few feet away, staring at me in annoyance. After stuttering a few nonsensical sentence fragments that had the potential to give any English teacher or literate person within a five mile radius a heart attack, I finally took a deep breath, which was expelled in the single, loud "WHY?" that followed.

Rolling her eyes, the brunette flicked her hair behind her and gave me a nasty stare. "Don't use run-on sentences," she growled. "Every time you speak with improper grammar—"

"Yeah, yeah, we know. A gay baby is born," Ikuto butted in, recovering nicely from his earlier fall. "How do you think we ended up with Hotori?"

Nagihiko grinned at that one, somehow oblivious to the fact that Rima was repeatedly kicking him in the shin while I proceeded to repeatedly bang my head against the wall, no longer worried about property damage; maybe if I beat myself into oblivion, I wouldn't have to deal with these idiots anymore.

"Now now, don't do that—you'll kill your brain cells, and then you'll never get any taller," Cheyenna, who had somehow magically reappeared after we'd left her sleeping on the lawn, pulled me away from the wall, effectively ending my doom-and-gloom session.

"I'm not short!" I protested, feeling like beating the living crap out of my redheaded friend the way I'd seen Edward Elric do on Fullmetal Alchemist. Said redhead only grinned in response.

"Sure, and Nagihiko's not a gender-confused crossdresser," Kukai volunteered, and I flung myself at him, pounding his back with my fists and shrieking like an angry chibi-turned-Tasmanian-devil.

"Who're you callin' a pipsqueak midget who can't even go to the beach because she's so small that she'll sink into the sand and then when the tide comes in she doesn't have to worry about drowning because she's so microscopic that she can breathe oxygen atoms through the water?" I wailed, having to pause my assault on Kukai's back in order to refill my suddenly-deflated lungs. Once said task was accomplished, I continued flailing my fists at the redhead in front of me. "Baka baka baka baka baka!"

Sadly, I soon realized that a one-hundred-and-two-pound, four foot eleven-and-three-quarter-inches angry chibi isn't very dangerous to a much taller, much more athletic male, no matter how much she's thrashing about. What's more; once Kukai actually figured out that I was hitting him and that a persistent fly wasn't just bouncing off his back, he took a step to the left, causing me to fall flat on my face, still flailing my arms like an epileptic chicken that's trying to defy natural laws and fly.

Uttering an angry "Neeeeeehhhh!" that came out muffled by the carpet, I proceeded to scramble indignantly to my feet before hurling myself at Cheyenna, tears streaming down my face. Successfully attaching myself to her right arm like a particularly-persistent leech, I put on my kicked-puppy expression before pointing a trembling finger at my tormenters. "THEY'RE BEING MEAN TO ME!" I accused hotly, burying my face in my friend's sleeve and whimpering pathetically.

As I'd expected, Cheyenna broke down, petting my head as though I were a frightened kitten instead of a partially-abused almost-midget. "There, there," she cooed, attempting to console me, though even I had to admit that I was totally milking it. "Don't cry…"

Grinning through my fake tears (I'd learned that trick from Rima, and it had proved useful, being that Nagihiko was virtually the only person who could see though the façade), I made a pitiful sniffling sound, rubbing my face on Cheyenna's sleeve like an attention-hungry cat.

No sooner had the word "cat" passed though my mind than I felt myself being lifted—"Hey, put me down!" I shrieked, but whoever it was ignored me. Feeling the floor disappear from under my feet, I began to thrash again, twisting and yowling like some kind of animal that had managed to set itself on fire. "Lemme go! PUT ME DOWN, DAMMIT—OW!" I rubbed my nose—someone had flicked it, and I suspected that it was the same someone who was holding me hostage in mid-air.

"Don't swear," a deeper voice chastened from behind me, a hand tightening on the back of my shirt where it was being held. I pouted.

"Lemme go, Ick-toe," I grumbled through my teeth, going limp once I realized that there was no possible way to struggle my way out of his grip when my feet couldn't touch the floor.

"That rhymed!" Cheyenna chimed in, but we ignored her.

"Not until you stop being obnoxious," the cat-boy countered, swinging me lightly back and forth by the back of my shirt like some sort of ragdoll.

"I'll stop being obnoxious when _youuuu_ stop being a _pedophile_," I retorted angrily, getting slightly dizzy from watching my limbs sway back and forth.

I felt his fist tighten on the cloth of my shirt before I was lifted even further off the ground, somehow experiencing the odd feeling of spinning; I realized why when I met a pair of irritated blue eyes, only about an inch or so from my own. "Care to say that to my face?" Ikuto asked threateningly, and I rolled my eyes.

"You stalk little girls," I snapped, meeting his irate gaze steadily. _What does your face have to say to that? _I challenged mentally (no, not mentally challenged, thank you), before realizing the stupidity and screwed-up wording of the entire thought. "Now that we've got that whole misunderstanding cleared up, would you care to put me down? I just bought this shirt, and you're wrinkling it. Oh, and my legs are going numb."

In response, Ikuto only proceeded to swing me back and forth again as if I were some kind of marionette. "Too bad," he deadpanned, and I curled my upper lip back in a snarl. "Oh, what're you going to do, bite me?" he purred, dangling me in front of him and smirking like a fox that's cornered a small, fluffy rabbit.

I complied immediately, earning myself a rather rough landing on the carpet at Cheyenna's feet, as well as the sight of an angry nekomimi, snarling a rather colorful string of profanities while rubbing his newly-injured nose.

"Don't swear," I crowed, parroting his earlier words back to him and grinning like a sick hyena. Cheyenna, who was by this time cackling like a deranged psychopath, doubled over laughing and managed to run head-first into my closet door, effectively putting a large hole in the wood and giving the term "hard-headed" an entirely new meaning.

Suddenly there was a cry from said closet, and I jumped, startled; the voice wasn't Cheyenna's—she was too preoccupied with trying to free her head from the hole in the door to speak. It was… different. Which meant that is wasn't the same. Which meant… That it was different.

"There's someone in the closet!" Kukai exclaimed, flinging his arm out and pointing at the damaged wooden door dramatically. There was a collective gasp from everyone in the room (minus Cheyenna, who was still stuck, Nagihiko, who was looking painfully confused, and Ikuto, who was still cursing loudly at no one in particular).

"It's Nagihiko," Rima volunteered, and the cross-dresser in question facepalmed.

I rolled my eyes and cautiously approached the closet door. At just about that second, Cheyenna managed to yank herself free of the offending wooden slab, only to succeed in falling backward and smacking her head on the corner of my dresser. I facepalmed. There had been a lot of that lately.

While Rima took it upon herself to drag my now-unconscious friend away from the closet so that the door could be opened (I commended her for it, really, since Rima was so small), I pressed my ear to the wood, hoping to hear some kind of sound from within the depths of my closet. There were none; in fact, my entire room was silent save for the sound of Lina tapping her nails against the wall. After several moments, I gave up on listening to the possibly-empty closet.

"Does anyone have a flashlight?" I asked, though I wasn't quite sure why, as there was a light fixture in the closet and the switch was right next to me.

Kukai rolled his eyes—that was beginning to irritate me. "Yeah, because we all carry flashlights around with us on a daily basis," he scoffed. "Turn on the—" He stopped talking when Kimi thumped him in the back of the head with her shoe.

"Stop being an ass," she monotoned before tossing something plastic in my general direction; it hit me in the face and bounced off, landing on the carpet at my feet with a soft sound of impact. After a short and extremely loud rant about how Kimi was going to kill someone one of these days with her careless aim (she heatedly argued back that I had the catching skills of a blind squid, effectively ending that conversation), I looked down and actually noticed what she'd tossed my way: a tiny pocket flashlight.

Snatching the little plastic trinket from the floor, I flicked it on and aimed the sudden beam of light into the gaping hole in the door that my dearest Cheyenna had created with her face. Squinting into the now slightly-illuminated darkness, I felt oddly like a government spy (or something of the sort); this, however, was probably due to the fact that Nagihiko had started humming the "mission impossible" theme song under his breath.

Strangely enough, there was nothing special to be seen in the dimly-lit closet; numerous shirts and pairs of jeans, a few dresses that would forever remain unworn as a result of my utter lack of femininity, a few stuffed animals and a pitifully-abused rainbow slinky, a massive ball of tin foil, a pair of feet, some sort of—what? I blinked several times before flicking the flashlight beam back to where I'd seen the pair of tanned feet; they were gone. Suddenly, I became concerned for my own health—was this group of complete psychopaths giving me brain damage? So much so that my poor, shattered mind was conjuring up such a strange illusion?

This thought left me with two possibilities; the first being that I was, in fact, going mad—those feet hadn't been there, I was suffering from an overdose of stupidity, and I seriously needed a vacation. While the last part was true to begin with, the chance that I was losing what little sanity that I had left wasn't a pleasant thought by any right. This left option two—also not the most thrilling of all possibilities: there was some kind of living being that had, by some strange twist of events, made its home inside my junkyard of a closet.

This, naturally, freaked me out just a little bit, and I made to turn around and order Cheyenna to call the police—what stopped me was the knowledge that my redheaded friend was out-cold, probably lying on the floor in whatever room of the house Rima had dragged her off to.

"Kimi," I mumbled, spitting out the first name that came to mind as a backup idea; however, before I could ask her to dial the authorities to come and retrieve the creepy hobo/axe murderer that had taken refuge in the dark space, another thought crossed my mind. Whatever was in my closet—that is, if anything _was_ in my closet; I still hadn't completely ruled out the possibility of insanity just yet—didn't necessarily have to be human. All I knew was that it, whatever it was, had feet; sure, this ruled out a lot of creatures—creepy giant fish, gelatinous blobs with a taste for human flesh, and all quadrupedal organisms like wolves or giraffes.

On the other hand, it didn't necessarily disqualify everything except humans, either. Images of yetis and sasquatch-like creatures floated freely through my minds eye, followed by strange mental pictures of aliens that walked upright.

The fact that I was even considering the possibility of my closet being inhabited by a mythical creature or extraterrestrial being was enough to confirm my earlier suspicions of insanity, but I was past the point of caring. The knowledge was there, and the future inevitable—by the end of the day, I would have to be locked up in a plush room with my hands duct-taped behind my back; I'd giggle insanely when someone said the word "pudding," and go into hysteric fits of screaming at random intervals. I let out a creepy squeal of glee and gave a little bounce at the thought, succeeding in making Kimi, Lina and the rest of the group retreat a few paces away from me.

Throughout my entire thought process, I hadn't taken my face out of the hole in the door, and was still shining the tiny pocket flashlight into the black abyss that possibly contained an unknown life-form. I was startled out of my thoughts when the flashlight beam suddenly cut off; confused, I drew it out of the closet and examined the little plastic trinket. It wasn't damaged, and was emitting a strong little circle of light on the carpet, its new focal point since I'd moved it. Something had simply gotten in the way of its beam when I'd been shining it into the darkness of the closet—wait…

I let out a gasp and turned back to the hole in the door, only to find myself nose-to-nose with a face, peeking out at me from the opposite side of the hole. Predictably, I let out an extremely undignified shriek and fell backward, flailing my arms in what was both utter panic and an attempt to keep myself upright. That last part didn't go over too well, because I ended up flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling with a dazed expression while Kimi and Company simply observed with amused expressions. _Yeah, I'm okay, _I thought sarcastically, gnawing on my lower lip in frustration. _Just fine. No, don't bother to ask—I'm just dandy. _I heard a snicker from Kukai, and after a prolonged silence, Kimi burst into a fit of laughter, the sound of which bordered on the brink of insanity. To my utter horror, I heard a distinctly feminine giggle from the other side of the damaged wooden door—even the alien (or sasquatch, axe murderer, or whatever the heck it was) was laughing at me!

"I hate all of you!" I wailed, sitting up and rubbing my throbbing head—I'd hit it pretty hard when I'd fallen, though not hard enough to meet Cheyenna's fate and fall unconscious; how unfortunate.

Struggling to my feet and attempting to see through the colorful groups of stars that were frolicking in my line of vision, I gave an angry cry and flung the closet door wide… and was promptly thrown to the ground as whatever the heck was in the closet flung itself at me, arms outstretched. The terrified scream that followed was even more undignified than my earlier shriek—granted, I couldn't think of anyone who _wouldn't _scream if they were glomped by a vampire/serial killer/creepy psychopath (I still hadn't quite figured out what it was).

The others watched, wide-eyed, as I thrashed violently on the carpet, wrestling with the unknown spawn of my closet and, sadly, losing. Before I knew it, I had been pinned under the thing's weight—it was actually fairly light… but then again, it didn't take much to hold me down, considering my serious lack of body mass.

There was another giggle as the creature leaned down, nose-to-nose with me again. "You can stop screaming now," a feminine voice informed me, and I was so stunned that I obeyed without question.

"IT SPEAKS!" Ikuto gasped, trying to add to the moment and failing miserably when Kimi smacked him in the back of the head.

By this time, I'd stopped flailing and gone limp from shock, staring up at the face before me. All thoughts of aliens, mythical creatures and horror movie-related nutcases disappeared from my mind; the closet-monster, as I had come to refer to it as, was actually a girl. A human girl, thank God. A human girl who was now on her knees, hovering over me, hands on the floor on either side of my head in one of the most awkward positions imaginable. What's more—I actually recognized that thick head of dark hair and the sparkly eyes framed by a pair of glasses.

"F-Fatima…?" I squeaked, and the girl grinned before adjusting her position to be a bit less awkward; I would've been fine with this, had she not opted instead for sitting on me.

"You would not _believe _how long I've been sitting in there!" she breathed, showing off a strangely cat-like grin and looking down at me. "Hee hee… You're so short."

"I am not!" I protested loudly, snapping out of my stupor at the mention of my lack of height. "You're… You're just a giant!" I began to squirm, reminding myself of a rodent that had somehow gotten just its tail stuck in a mouse trap. "And get off! You're crushing me!"

Fatima arched an eyebrow. "Man up, will you? I'm not that heavy." She then proceeded to pat my head, not dropping the grin the entire time.

"Do you want to lose a finger?" I asked, narrowing my eyes dangerously, and she drew her hand back, believing me in an instant. She still hadn't gotten off of me though, and my lower half was beginning to feel a bit numb. "You're cutting off the blood flow to my legs," I informed her nonchalantly, and she simply stared at me dumbly for about half a minute, as though to say, "Well, what do you want me to do about it?" In response to her unspoken question, I summoned every ounce of strength in my petite body and heaved, rolling onto my side and dumping Fatima onto the floor (and possibly cracking one or two of my own ribs in the process).

She landed in a rather ungraceful manner, crying out when her face met with the carpet. The sight gave me a secret satisfaction, and I giggled.

"Well that wasn't very nice!" Fatima scolded once she'd risen to her feet, waggling her finger in front of my face and then yanking her hand back quickly when my teeth snapped about two millimeters from the digit.

"I wouldn't suggest ticking me off right now," I muttered menacingly, and Fatima actually seemed rather intimidated by the angry shorty she was staring down at. The realization that Fatima was, indeed, a full five inches taller than I despite being two years younger didn't do much to improve my mood.

Sighing heavily, I turned to introduce the sudden addition to our group. "This," I managed to say, gesturing to the fourteen-year-old simply, "is Fatima." Not knowing what else to add, I settled for attempting to make a joke in hopes of putting myself in a better mood. "As you can see, she's recently come out of the closet."

Cheyenna, who had woken up from her unconscious state and had since dragged herself back to my room, groaned at my bad pun and was about to facepalm—however, she seemed to remember herself and thought better of it; probably for fear of adding to the developing headache and mild trauma I knew she was already experiencing.

I quickly realized that such a reaction was better than none, because no one else seemed to even hear my bad attempt at humor. Immediately after my short introduction, Kimi had flown to Fatima's side, her eyes huge.

"Fatima?" she asked, awed. "Like, from Luminous Arc? Is that your real name?" She had attached herself to my young friend's sleeve, staring up at her with sparkly eyes—I vaguely thought that Fatima was too tall for a fourteen year old. Five foot three wasn't normal for a fourteen year old girl… well, actually, it _was _normal, I realized with a feeling of horror. Kimi was just really, _really _short. And yet, I thought darkly, feeling my hands curl into fists, _I was shorter. _Damn.

Fatima, faced with the sudden question, sweatdropped. "Uh… What…?" She asked awkwardly, and I knew that she'd never heard of the videogame Kimi was referring to—I had brought it up upon first meeting Fatima, and she hadn't known then, either. Thankfully, I didn't have to save my friend from her moment of stupidity, because Kimi quickly lost interest after about thirty seconds of silence.

"I'm bored!" she announced loudly, and I threw a plushie at her. It bounced off her face, and she stared dumbly at me.

"You're not allowed to be bored anymore," I informed her bluntly, though there was an edge of absolute hysteria in my voice as I did so. To be honest, I was afraid that somehow, by the end of the day, Kimi would be responsible for each of our individual deaths. I voiced this in a raspy whisper that rose and fell in pitch, showing my fear rather well. "Your ideas for countering 'boredom' are going to get us all killed. Let's all go play a videogame or something," I suggested frantically, trying to think of something that would pacify the brunette, at least for a while. Videogames were good—they weren't dangerous, so there was no risk of accidental injury, trauma of any sort, or further property damage.

Deliberating for a moment as to whether this suggestion was something she found interesting, Kimi made a show of stroking her chin as though she had a beard—I also noticed that she was tapping her foot rapidly on the carpet; I amended the thought when I heard an incessant squeaking sound—she was tapping her foot on a squeaky plushie, not the carpet.

"Mkay!" Kimi announced so suddenly that I nearly fell over from being startled. "Let's play a videogaaaaaaaaame!" At this point, I wasn't sure whether I'd suggested something that would save myself and the rest of the group from the horrible fate of another one of Kimi's "ideas," or something that would, to put it bluntly, screw us all.


End file.
